May / June 2008

Dear Mt. Olive family and friends,

I’ve been told that in the Chinese Mandarin language, the character for “listen” is a combination of the characters for eye, ear, and heart.

Isn’t that a powerful illustration of the multifaceted concept of listening? Listening to another person – really listening – involves not only our ears, but our eyes and our heart as well.

I can’t help but wonder how many nasty problems and bitter conflicts - not only on a personal level or within the home and church, but on a national and international scale as well - would simply disappear if we all just spent more time listening.

I know how to listen with my ears; at least I think I do. I know that listening involves more than just hearing. I know that God gave me two ears and only one mouth for very good reason. I know that often what is not said is even more important than what is said. I know that the tone of one’s voice can radically impact the direction of a conversation. And I know that I’m supposed to wait and give careful attention to what the other person has to say before formulating my response. James puts it this way: “My dear brothers, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry,” (James 1:19).

I’m not sure how to listen with my eyes. I suspect that eye-listening pays close attention to body language, to eye contact, to facial expression, and all such things. If she says that everything is okay but a tear is forming in the corner of her eye, or he insists that things are just great but his lower lip is quivering, that’s probably a good indication that the words I’m hearing with my ears need to be weighed on the basis of what my eyes are seeing.

And listening with my heart, now that’s a different dimension entirely. Listening with the heart goes well beyond listening with the head (ears and eyes). Some people are beautifully- gifted heart listeners. Others don’t have a clue! Make the rare person who is able to listen, to hear, and to discern with ears, eyes, and heart your cherished friend!

One of our former presidents just returned from a visit with the exiled head of the Palestinian terror group Hamas, a visit that was strongly opposed by many public officials. He had high hopes of accomplishing what others had been unable to accomplish: some sort of peaceful resolution to a very sticky situation. He regrets that his trip was a failure.

What Pres. Carter learned is the unfortunate reality that even as “it takes two to tango,” it also takes two to listen. Whether it’s a crumbling marriage or an international crisis, both sides must be willing to listen with ears, eyes, and heart. If both parties are willing to listen, truly listen, then they may well be on their way to understanding, agreement, and ultimately resolution and peace. But if only one person or side is eager and able to listen, reaching an amicable solution is virtually impossible.

Quoting His Father’s words to Isaiah, Jesus spoke of those who will be “ever hearing but never understanding,” (Matthew 13:14). His thoughts in the next verse come amazingly close to that Chinese character for “listen”: “For this people's heart has become calloused; they hardly hear with their ears, and they have closed their eyes. Otherwise they might see with their eyes, hear with their ears, understand with their hearts...”

Even though Jesus is clearly speaking of those who have stubbornly closed their hearts and minds to the message of the Gospel, His words can be applied to listening in general. If one is unwilling to give careful attention to what you have to say, reconciliation is unlikely to occur. Likewise, if you are unwilling to seek to understand - with your ears, eyes, and heart – the other person’s point of view, meaningful communication probably won’t happen.

Sometimes, too, our words, no matter how carefully chosen or articulately spoken, will come across as insincere. They may be well-intentioned words, but if they sound “preachy” to another’s ears, they will not have the desired effect, but are likely to stifle further interaction.

In that case, remember that “actions speak louder than words!” It’s a fact. Talking about forgiveness is one thing; demonstrating it is quite another. Talking about love, peace, joy, and all the other wonderful gifts of the Holy Spirit is one thing; showing love, living at peace, visibly expressing joy, now that’s convincing evidence!

In the book Mistaken Identity, a Christian father who had just gone through the heart-wrenching agony of burying whom he thought was his daughter, received a note from a friend who had attended the funeral that read in part: “You and your family are living your faith and have given me a tangible example of what Christian living is all about.” Because this man saw clear evidence that the Christian faith works – really, truly works – even in the most tragic of circumstances, he was drawn by the Holy Spirit to believe in Jesus. As he listened with his ears, eyes, and heart, it was confirmed in him by the “living” and “tangible” evidence that Christianity is the real thing. Praise God!

Have you listened to yourself lately? Have you tried to sense what others “hear” in your words and actions? Are you conscious of the fact that others appreciate being spoken with but resent being spoken at or to. Are you careful to speak with others in the same way and tone and with the same gentleness and patience that you would have them speak with you?

Lord, forgive us for all the needless problems we create simply because of the way we communicate. Teach us how to listen with our ears, our eyes, and our heart, and help us to share what’s on our heart in a manner that others will respect and value. Thank You that You have spoken to us by Your Son, not merely with words but with actions in sincerity and truth.

Dear people of God, may all that you and I say and do reflect the love of Jesus for us and the life of Jesus in us!

Pastor Carl R. Henkel