MARCH / APRIL 2008

Dear Mt. Olive Family and Friends,

The little book would never have been written were it not for the birthday party he threw for his wife at the Minnesota Zoo’s outdoor amphitheater. It was quite a party – 1,500 guests, mostly in their late 30s to mid 50s. He had arranged for a Grammy-award winning folk singer to perform.

Everything was perfect. Everything, that is, except that the singer on stage had to stop in the middle of her third song and ask the audience to be quiet!

Now these were “upper-middle-class, educated, Minnesota-nice folks.” Yet the lack of respect they showed to the performer was inexcusable. This man then, John Sweeney, was so “steaming-furious” at all these bad-mannered friends, that he proceeded to write a book: “Return to Civility.” His wife suggested that “they’re not trying to be rude, they’re just forgetting to be civil,” and with that in mind, he came up with 365 areas where our society could benefit by a “Return to Civility.”

Although the book is not religious or spiritual in nature, many of the common-sense suggestions certainly fit well into the teachings of Jesus and the pattern of Christianity. Here are a few of the “Return to Civility” offerings:

Display, learn, and teach compassion. You owe it to yourself and your children. If not from you, where else will they learn it?

Listen respectfully to people with different opinions than yours. You may be persuaded to change your mind, or you may find that their statements further strengthen your resolve. In either case, you’ll gain new perspective.

Teach your children to speak respectfully to others. Help them understand the difference between being cute and being annoying. The simplest way to teach this is to model it.

Use your best manners around children. This applies to all children, not just your own. Model good behavior. By all means, watch your language.

Teach your children the proper way to behave in public. A great life lesson is to learn that there are different behaviors for different circumstances and different audiences.

Don’t shout at your children from across the room. Walk over and talk to them quietly, face to face. You’ll save everyone involved a lot of embarrassment.

Learn when to keep quiet. Take a break and give yourself the luxury of listening to someone else speak.

When you see a friend who’s feeling down, go out of your way to help lift their spirits. Sometimes just noticing that someone is down is helpful in itself.

Keep an open mind, and treat others as you like to be treated. Try to picture yourself on the receiving end of what you just said or did.

Say hello to ten strangers a day. Some people may look at you funny, but a few will smile and say hello back.

Hold the door open and let a bunch of people go in front of you. Especially if you’re afraid of what is waiting for you outside!

Cover your mouth or excuse yourself whenever you have to yawn during a conversation. Even if a yawn really results from a lack of oxygen, people still assume it means you’re bored.

Even when you’re not in a particularly good mood, be civil to the world around you. You don’t want to be known as the grumpety grump of the grump patrol.

If you see someone looking for a place to sit and you have an empty chair at your table, wave them over and offer them a seat. If you don’t know the person, it’s a great way to get to know someone new.

RSVP promptly to invitations. Waiting until the last minute may give the impression that you’re holding out to see if a better offer will come along. You’ll also be of great assistance to the person who’s planning the event.

If you RSVP to attend an event, plan to show up. Or let the organizer know as soon as possible if you change plans. Your RSVP could trigger decisions that cost money and time, including food purchases, logistics, and staffing. Remember too that there may be someone on a waiting list who would be happy to take your place.

Don’t wear headphones in public. Headphones shut you off from others and send the message that you’re not interested in being part of the world around you.

Celebrate others’ accomplishments. When you celebrate a person’s accomplishment, you’re really celebrating the person. What may seem small to you could really be a lifelong goal to someone else.

Be patient with elderly drivers. Pretend they’re your favorite grandma who baked cookies for you when you were feeling down.

And here are just a few more:

Let people who’ve had a positive impact on your life know what they’ve done for you.

Be generous with compliments.

Strive to be on time.

Say “Excuse me.”

Say “Please” and “Thank You” for big and little things.

Push in your chair when you leave a table.

Smile.

339 more suggestions of courtesy, thoughtfulness, and politeness await the reader as we strive to “Return to Civility.” Remember the days when common-sense good manners were the rule and not the exception? The author longs for a return of those days. He is already planning the next volume and he wants our help. Just go to www.speedoflaughterproject.com and type in your suggestions. I’ve submitted mine.

We Christians remember St. Paul’s inspired words, “Make sure that nobody pays back wrong for wrong, but always try to be kind to each other and to everyone else,” 1Thes 5:15. Sounds like a plan to “Return to Civility”!

As with any plan to improve the world, this one, too, must begin with me!

Pastor Carl R. Henkel